Just like anything in a relationship, your goals and values have to be inline with those of your partner. Some of those values you may need to consider is health and nutrition. It’s very common to hear people say that “I don’t smoke, so I won’t date a smoker for such and such reasons.” The thing is, people who hear that will agree and say, “Well that’s good, because (insert bad habit here) is not good and you know you don’t want it around.” Why is it then when people say “I want to date someone who takes care of themselves, likes to exercise and knows how to eat healthy” that people respond that that stance is very superficial? A person who says that will get a response like “looks aren’t everything” and “beauty is only skin deep.” This blog has nothing to do with relationships. But one thing it has to do with is the values of health and fitness. If you just quit smoking, would dating a smoker be good for you? No, and people would agree with you. Well if you are serious about nutrition and being fit, would it be good for you to date someone who doesn’t eat healthy? No.
If nutrition and fitness are values you hold high, then you want to make sure your partner does to, or at least respects that about you. If not, you will either lose your relationship, or you will lose you goals of being fit and healthy. You may be saying to yourself, “Wow, that is a serious and harsh comment.” I know how serious it is. I’ve made it abundantly clear that I’ve struggled with my weight all my life. I’ve also made it clear that the goal of this website is to share my struggles with others so they know they are not alone. I want to let people know what I have done to get where I am, that it wasn’t easy, and there is no quick and simple answer. When it comes to being in a relationship with someone that doesn’t respect certain values, we’ve all been there. For me specifically, it had to do with my goals regarding fitness.
About a year ago, I got myself down to 200 pounds. Still a little short of my goal weight, but I was almost there. I was feeling awesome! I hadn’t been around 200 pounds in I don’t know how long. I was hitting the gym regularly and eating right. It was also around this time that I met her. She and I hit it off right away. Of course when you first start dating someone new, one of the common things to do is to go out to eat. Now I prefer to cook. This way I can control portions and make sure I can hit my goals. But I am not against the occasional meal out. There is nothing wrong with treating yourself occasionally, just as long as occasionally doesn’t become routinely. The problem with dining out is you can not control portions, and you can easily kill your day in one sitting. Check out a meal from your favorite restaurant over on Calorie King. You’ll be shocked by the nutritional values of what you are eating.
At first, the dining out was not a problem, it was infrequent, so it did not hurt my fitness goals. I was also suggesting other date ideas besides dinner to keep the early dates interesting. It was a few months in when we started to see much more of each other that it slowly became a problem.
I was either getting home late from her place or just staying there, so getting to the gym became less frequent. We also began eating out much more. Like 4 nights a week.
The issues began when I sat down with her to discuss my values and goals as far as fitness and nutrition. I offered alternatives such as me cooking dinner. All she said was “we’re dating, you go out to eat when you are dating.” Things continued to get worse.
I don’t like large portions of food, because my meal plan to lose weight involves 5 small meals a day, and by dinner time, I’m not very hungry. She would get upset if my meal portions were smaller than hers. I also started becoming sick, vomiting frequently and daily heartburn. One night when she wanted to go out for dinner, I said no because I wasn’t feeling well, again. All she would say was that I didn’t want to take her anywhere.
My weight started to skyrocket. My clothes were screaming. I gained more then 40 pounds in less than six months. I couldn’t take it anymore, I was sick all the time, I couldn’t sleep and I just felt horrible. I forced the issue, she finally saw my point of view and agreed. She also felt she could afford to lose a few pounds and eat better. We tried to do a meal plan together, but as soon as it seemed difficult she slipped back into her old habits. It wasn’t quick and easy. Her heart wasn’t in it. I finally had to end it. It wasn’t a healthy relationship.
Since ending the relationship, I have gotten back to going to the gym routinely and am back on my regular meal plan. I have lost a good deal of the weight I had gained during that time.
Our values on fitness and nutrition were in complete opposition. Now, this wasn’t the only issue we had, it was an unhealthy relationship on many levels. Remember, when someone says they are looking for a partner that knows how to take care of themselves and wants to be healthy, it isn’t a shallow comment. It is a serious value.
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